MadMup.com

How do you handle your dreams? No, not the ones where you meet Freddy Krueger at your local gas station and then introduce him to your principal who makes him the new science teacher and then turns into a giant banana - I mean the dreams you have for your life.

For instance, I have long had the dream of having my own talk show. Look at David Letterman - he's a goofy-looking Midwesterner, too. I've (most) always felt at-ease in front of people, and I generally like to talk to interesting people. I could do this!

Except that, at 31, I'm thinking I probably should do something about it or stop dreaming about it, right?

Well....maybe.

See, the way I figure, there are three types of people in the world, at least in this particular scenario:

1) Those who have a dream, and then do whatever they can to attain it.
2) Those who have a dream, realize they'll never attain it, so they give up on it and move on to something else.
3) Those who have a dream, realize they'll probably never attain it, but hang on to it anyway because of the feelings associated with the dream.

I fit squarely and solidly into category number three. I've always been a dreamer. Always. I like to read biographies, but I tend to gravitate towards fiction. I'm definitely a head-in-the-clouds kind of guy. I'm also definitely a not-motivated-to-get-off-his-rear kind of guy. Maybe it's a fear of failure or something. Why shatter the beauty of what could be by trying for it and failing?

Right now you are having a very visceral reaction to this. Most of you are in the "That is so stupid! If you can't get it, let it go! Why torture yourself with what you can't get?!?" camp, I'm guessing. Camp #2 has fewer people in it. Camp #3? Well, there's me and...like 3 other people in it, and I've never met them.

If I did meet them, I'm pretty sure I know what they'd be like: lazy. "Yeah, I'd really like that to happen. I'm hoping it falls into my lap." I know the type so well because I *am* that type.

The funny thing is, I've seen what can happen if I apply myself. I know that hard work produces results. I know that planning makes work more effective. I've done it, and I know what it can do.

I think I'm motivated by fear - or UNmotivated, if you like. "I really want to have/do this, but if I fail, it's totally gonna rot." How do you get past that? It's the same thing that keeps me from writing the books that have been bouncing around in my head for years. "Put something on paper!" I'm told. Well, I don't want to unless it's exactly right. "That's what rough drafts are for!" I've always hated rough drafts. When I lift pen from paper at the end of my writing, I want it to be completely done.

So here I sit, a potentially great talk show host, handcuffed by fear. If you happen across me and know where the keys are, you might be tempted to show them to me, but I'll probably think it's too much work to use them.

Sheesh. 1 comments

For Whom the Bell Tolls
by John Donne

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee. 0 comments

Charity's grandpa died today. She received the news while we were with her. Please let your thoughts and prayers be with her and her family at this time.

My grandpa died in 1999. He'd had heart troubles for years, and his latest round of trouble had put him in the hospital. It didn't look good, so we headed to the hospital to see him. I remember that we were coming from Watertown, so we were going to meet Mom & Dad in Madison and ride the rest of the way together. When we met them at Dad's work, they had just gotten the phone call that Grandpa had died.

There are an amazing amount of emotions you go through at that moment. It didn't seem fair - we were on our way to see him! We didn't get that last chance. And even if you're expecting it to happen, when it does, you're not prepared for it. You can think you know how you'll react, but you don't really.

You're immediately hit with regret of every kind. "I never got to know him." "I haven't seen him in months." "I never called him." "He didn't know I loved him." Those who are left behind feel like they've been robbed of the last chance to make everything right. "If he were alive right now, I'd..."

Death reminds us of how we've failed the person who died. There may have been a million things we did right, but all we can think about is how much we failed.

There will always be an empty place in your heart where that person was, even if you didn't see the person that much. Every time I think about my grandpa and about his life and about how I wouldn't be here without him, I realize how big that hole is. Over time, of course, we shrink the hole by not focusing on it, but it can quickly grow to its full size when we look at it.

So today, do the things you never think about until it's too late. Call some people. Write some letters. Remember people who have gone on already. Think about what kind of legacy you want to leave when you go. Do something. 0 comments

Yes, the time on the post is real, and I'm not just getting up earlier to blog these days.

We started some server work at 3:00 p.m. yesterday, and we're just now wrapping up for the night (morning? day?). Neither my boss nor I could believe it took this long - and we're not completely done yet!

Lowest point for me was around 2:30 this morning. I installed a switch in the new rack...and then realized I had installed it upside down.

So now it's 5:00 a.m. and it's time to go home.

I hope you all have a great day. Mine's started a little strangely. 0 comments

There's a sticker on the light switch in my office that says, "Turn off when not in use." The sticker's been there the whole time I've been here, but it struck me today - isn't "using lights" defined by them being on? Therefore, it would follow that, to not use them, you'd have to turn them off. Yes?

It reminds me of a conversation I had with a co-worker named Kelly many years ago when I worked at the hardware store in Fort Atkinson. I'm not sure how we got around to this, but he ended the conversation with this zinger: "Wasn't it nice of them to put lights in here so you could see what you're doing in the dark?" I say he ended the conversation with that, but I really think that my cackling with glee might have actually caused the end of the conversation. I remember writing it down, it struck me as being so funny.

While we're on the subject, why are we still TURNing off the lights? I don't know about you, but I generally find myself SWITCHing off the lights. Yes, I'm sure it has something to do with the old lamps needing to be turned or maybe the original light switches needed to be, but the language can grow and change, dang it! I'm not going to go on a crusade about this like I have done with the pronunciation of the abbreviation URL (think "Duke of URL"), but it could bother me if I thought about it much. 0 comments

My thoughts on a couple of hot topics:

1) I think space exploration is a fine thing, really. Who doesn't want to fly around space on the Enterprise? These trips we're taking to Mars and wherever else are the first step, right? So, fine, do it. Go ahead. Here's an idea, though - people are always talking about setting up some sort of manned base on Mars for research and stuff. Why not practice somewhere closer, like, the MOON, maybe? Galactically speaking, it's right next door, rather than a month or more away like Mars is. Let's set up some sort of manned base on the moon, see how it goes, and figure out from there if we want to do the same thing on Mars. Maybe it won't be so cool and we'll just call the whole thing off. Who knows?

While we're on the subject, let's talk about astronauts for a minute. Most of these people seem to be nice people with families waiting back on Earth for them. I know they need to be super-smart and all, but I've got an idea: let's send geeks. You know, the stereotypical guy who lives in his parents' basement when he's 35? Let's send him. We can automate most of the stuff that deals with flying the ship, so that's not a problem. This guy is used to being by himself, so the loneliness factor would be nil. Make sure he's got an Internet connection on the ship and on the Moon and you're all set. I know what you're thinking: yeah, but how do we get him to do experiments and stuff? Well, maybe some sort of rewards program - you do these experiments today and you can use your computer for 8 hours tomorrow or something. But, really, isn't the grand experiment just seeing if people can live on the Moon?

2) The Terminator movies are one step away from turning into the Matrix movies. You've got a bunch of machines intent on wiping out humanity - give them a desire to find a renewable power source and you're there. Maybe James Cameron should think about suing the Wachowski brothers. And I should get a cut for mentioning it.

3) When you think about the future, one of the first things you think about are flying cars, right? "It's 2003, where are the stinking flying cars?" It's a topic Jerry Seinfeld has touched on, I think. But I have to tell you, I'm not so keen on the idea of flying cars, unless I'm the only one that has one. Think about it - in an average day, how many lousy drivers do you see? A lot, right? Well, they're on traveling in two dimensions, really. Add a third dimension to that, and you've cubed the problems. Instead of people cutting you off from either side, they'll be cutting you off from above and below you as well. You think parallel parking is bad? Try cube-allel parking. No thanks! I'll walk!

Well, that's all I'll bore you with today.

The cool thing about today is that, even though it's Thursday, I don't have to work tomorrow, so it's kind of like getting a bonus Friday. Cool!

Labels: Seinfeld

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Let's all just pretend I've been blogging faithfully so we don't have to have any awkward silences, okay? Great.

I feel I should update you on The Saga of the Watch. As mentioned earlier, I got a replacement watch that was nothing like my normal watch. It really is a nice-looking watch, and I got a lot of compliments on it. Of course, I'm guessing most of those compliments were based in the "it's not a geek watch so it's a good step for you" feelings. Anyway, it was a nice watch, but I hated it. Yes, hated. It didn't have a countdown timer, and I didn't realize how much I used that feature. Strike one. Strike two - the stupid hourly chime went off at 2 minutes after the hour. ?!?! Isn't that ridiculous? In fact, it was so ridiculous that that really counts for strikes two AND three. Strike four would have to be that when I pressed the button to light up the watch so I could read it in the dark, it only lit up the analog part, not the digital part. Major, major lousiness.

I was all set to dig out the receipts and take it back to Wal-Mart. I just hadn't had time...

On Tuesday, I was having a rough day. Things weren't going right at work and I just was tired of it. I wanted Tuesday to be done and, oh, I don't know, Friday to show up. I gathered my mail from the office and decided to take it outside to look through it, just to have a little break. I sat on the steps outside the door closest to my office, and, since there was some sun, I decided to take my watch off to defend against tan lines, however faint they might be. Well, about an hour after I came in from being outside, I realized I wasn't wearing my watch. I rushed outside to see if it might still be where I set it, and it was gone. You ever get sadness and relief all at once? I was relieved because, well, I hated the watch. I was sad because I'm out the $20 it cost me.

I do get a certain perverse pleasure out of the fact that whoever took it was thinking, "Hey, I'm getting a free cool watch!" when, in fact, what he was getting was a nice-looking watch that beeps at 2 minutes after the hour and doesn't light up the digital part when the button is pressed and doesn't have a countdown timer. To him I say this: Nyaah, nyaah, nyaah, nyaah, nyaah! Serves you right! 0 comments