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The grand experiment is over. My well-worn Barnes & Noble discount card has expired, and my days of getting a discount on hot chocolate are over... until I renew my card, that is.

So here are the numbers:

• Amount spent on discount card: $25.00
• Amount of discount per hot chocolate: $0.31
• Number of hot chocolates I needed to buy to save enough to make the discount card purchase worthwhile: 81
• Number of hot chocolates I actually bought: 145
• Amount saved: $44.95
• Amount spent on hot chocolates: $392.95
• Number of days I was able to use the discount card: 384
• Average number of hot chocolates purchased per day: 0.3776
• Average time between hot chocolate purchases: 2.65 days

These numbers don't quite match up with projections, but I really didn't expect them to. These numbers also do not take into consideration the discounts I received on books purchased, which would make the discount card purchase even more worthwhile. I wanted to stick with just the hot chocolate numbers for this experiment.

Some time earlier this month I learned that I could use my discount card until the end of the month I purchased it in a year earlier. That's why there are 384 days listed above instead of 365 like you might expect. (It's also why I'm waiting until tomorrow to renew my card.)

Working under that assumption, I went in for my final hot chocolate purchase earlier today. I wanted it to be all dramatic, full of slo-mo and scored by James Horner. Instead, I was told that my card had expired.

WHAT?!?

It's the last day of the month! The last day it's good! This makes no sense! I was actually a little ticked off about it, but it was a pointless rage, as there was nothing I could do about it. Corporations will do whatever arbitrary thing they want to do. Want to fight them over 31 cents? Go ahead, they don't care.

The nice girl behind the counter (Mindy) went ahead and did some sort of register magic and gave me the discount anyway (saying, "You're here all the time") but it wasn't the same. I was fairly dejected.

I am reminded of "The Hollow Men" by T. S. Eliot:

This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Ah, well. It was a good run.


So... what should I count now? 3 comments

Every so often, something beautiful happens and you can only hope you're in the exact right position to witness it. I'm not talking "plastic bag floating on the wind" beautiful, either, I'm talking straight-up, old-fashioned, wonderful neatness.

Last week my friend Kat alerted me to a situation where I might get paid for giving my opinion. Imagine! Not only did people want to hear what I had to say, they would PAY me for the privilege! I wholeheartedly endorse this trend. If only I could start a business based on this model. People would come in and say, "Should I eat at Olive Garden or McDonald's?" and I would give them my opinion (Olive Garden today, McD's tomorrow) and they would pay me and then they would go away.

Eventually I would expand onto the web. People could pay me via PayPal and I would do live "Opinion Support" using fancy Java chat applets.

Soon there would be chains. I'd have pre-set opinions and people could buy packages to have some around for when they needed them.

Let's face it: we've all got opinions on just about everything. We happily offer them, even if nobody wants them. I'll modify a well-known phrase and make it more family-friendly for inclusion here: Opinions are like skunks - everyone has one and they usually stink.

This whole blog is about me having opinions on stuff and wanting a place to put them. We have a hard time keeping our opinions to ourselves, and the more we know a person, the more likely it is we'll give them our opinions. Random strangers we run into are fairly safe from our opinion-spewing, or, at least, safe from hearing it. We'll still think it, but we might never say outloud, "Blue hair doesn't really work on you," "That bumper sticker reveals your ignorance," or "You're very attractive."

So imagine getting the chance to vocalize your opinions and get paid for it! Awesome!

This particular instance was for the local paper. They're getting a new fancy printing press in the near future, and it will require a layout change, so they decided to get opinions from people on some ideas they have. There were about 15 men in my group, and I was the youngest in what was apparently the "33 to 812" age group. There was a group of women in the group before us, and I know there are more (and younger) groups tomorrow night.

It was interesting to me to gather with these fellows I'd never seen before and likely won't see again. There were some factory workers, a priest, a realtor, a principal (from my same school corporation, even, but not from a school where I work), some Purdue employees, and some retirees. I found it interesting and sometimes humorous what aspects of the layout they focused on - sports came up a lot, the comics were mentioned, and the TV schedule was dissected at length by one fellow (the priest).

At the end of the hour and a half, we were mostly in consensus about which version of the three we liked best. We were in total agreement about which one we did not like, so I guess that's something. About half of us said we like the heading on one but the layout of the other.

I had this happen to me once before, in the mall in Denver, Colorado. I was on tour for the summer, and another fellow in the group and I got stopped by a lady who asked if we wanted to participate in a survey. We did. We watched a gum commercial and then answered questions about it. I think we got paid $5 or so.

Tonight, though, I felt I was in the big leagues. Not only did we get cookies, soda, water, fruit, and coffee, we got paid $45. $30 an hour? Not too shabby, my friends.

It was a beautiful thing. 1 comments

I'm just going to put this up here without any sort of explanation. I think that's for the best.

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It was during Miss Appling's World of History class in seventh grade when it clicked for me: history in one part of the world did not pause and wait for history in another part of the world to happen before it started back up. While families were moving westward in the U.S., things were still going on in China (and even Australia!). I don't know what it was exactly that triggered this awareness in me, but I remember being surprised by it. I know it sounds dumb, but this newfound grand view changed my perceptions permanently.

Soon I realized that while I was living my life, other people were living their lives, too. Not just my friends and the people I knew, but billions of people all over the world. Billions.

It's overwhelming.

While I sit here and type, people I knew years ago are sleeping, going to jobs, traveling, crying, laughing, shopping, tending snakes, and who knows what else.

I want to make some sort of deep comment about life, but I'm drawing a blank. Being aware of others - whether they're alive now or lived before us - can change us. It's up to you how it changes you. 1 comments

Don't think I don't know that I haven't written much this week. I'm well aware. Sorry. That's just how this week goes.

Here, though, is my latest review. I'll warn you - the game is violent and bloody.

Labels: game review

1 comments

Batman Begins hits DVD tomorrow here in the States. Now's your chance to catch the best Batman movie made thus far if you missed it in theaters. 5 comments

In this day and age, we are constantly told that huge corporations don't care for us. To them, we are nothing but money-dispensing automatons, their only concern: how to get us to dispense more money faster. That's what we're told, anyway.

Me. I'm mostly fine with that. I'm an "unabashed capitalist," so if a company is making something I want, I'm fine paying them money so I can have it. Sure, I think some things are too expensive, but my wants/needs aren't the same as yours, so we'd probably have a hard time deciding between us what things ought to be cheaper. Letting the market decide seems to make the most sense. People aren't buying your product? Mark it down until they are. Too many people buying it? Raise the price. It seems to work, for the most part. (For reference: please watch The Hudsucker Proxy. You should anyway, but there's a section in it about this exact thing. As a bonus, it mocks Big Business at the same time.)

Anyway, since I've had this point of view crammed down my throat for as long as I can remember, imagine my surprise when I received a package from Microsoft the other day.

Some history:

Back in February, Microsoft sent out a notice to anyone who owned an Xbox. "Please check the manufacturing date on your Xbox! If it was made between [some date] and [some other date], it could have bad wires and yadda yadda yadda, you could burn up and die. If you have one, tell us and we'll send you a replacement power cord for free."

So I, being the responsible, quick-acting person that I am, put the letter in a pile on my desk.

A while later, I got another letter with the same warning: "Seriously! We mean it! You could even spontaneously combust your own self! We're not kidding around! Go check the dates! Have we mentioned that the replacement power cord is free?!?"

Into the pile it went.

It's not that I'm not concerned about my personal safety, because I totally am. I'm extremely nervous about doing even semi-dangerous things. I'm aware of the philosophy that says "You take a chance getting up in the morning, or crossing a street, or sticking your face in a fan," but I just don't want to push it by, say, driving 80 m.p.h. while bungee-jumping from a motorcycle and drinking Mountain Dew. That's just not me. I call it "being safe." You call it "being boring."

So I really have no reason why I didn't check the dates on my Xbox. I just didn't do it. Laziness, most likely.

Then I received this package from Microsoft. They sent me a replacement power cord and a letter that said, "We hadn't heard from you and our records show that your Xbox was made between [some date] and [some other date], so we thought we'd send one out to you so you don't burn up and die. We're worried about who might feed your cats if that happened."

They had gone through all of the trouble of sending me a replacement cord, so I figured the least I could do is use it. Turns out that was a good idea - the minute I removed the old cord and tossed it aside it burst into flame, writhing around, hissing my name as its dying epithet.

While I realize that Microsoft's main motivation was to not get sued, I still thought that was pretty cool of them to send me a replacement. Thanks, Bill!

...though I'm curious how you got my new address, because I don't remember filling anything out. 3 comments

Just because my brain works like this, when the piece of Dove dark chocolate tried to get me fired last month, I was struck with curiosity about the other phrases they might have and how frequently they might be used in a bag.

So, of course, I kept track of the next bag.

The following list is from a bag of Dove Dark Chocolate Promises. When you take the red wrapper off a piece of chocolate, there is a phrase printed inside. This is a list of the phrases used in the bag in question, in the order the pieces were eaten.

1. Whisper in the dark
2. Test your own limits and keep going
3. Make your eyes twinkle
4. Remember your first everything
5. Send a love letter this week
6. Be mischievous. It feels good.
7. Make your eyes twinkle
8. Go to your special place
9. Do what feels right
10. If they can do it, you know you can
11. Be mischievous. It feels good.
12. You know what? You look good in red.
13. Find your passion.
14. Smile. People will wonder what you’ve been up to.
15. Do what feels right
16. Smile. People will wonder what you’ve been up to.
17. Discover yourself
18. Naughty can be nice
19. There’s no excuse not to dream
20. Go to your special place
21. Discover yourself
22. Smile. People will wonder what you’ve been up to.
23. If they can do it, you know you can
24. If they can do it, you know you can
25. Do what feels right
26. Make your eyes twinkle
27. There’s no excuse not to dream
28. Go to your special place
29. If they can do it, you know you can
30. Naughty can be nice
31. Smile. People will wonder what you’ve been up to.
32. Learn something from everyone you meet
33. Write a real letter, not just an email
34. Be mischievous. It feels good.
35. Do what feels right
36. If they can do it, you know you can
37. Dare to love completely
38. Hey, why not?
39. Go to your special place
40. Remember your first everything
41. Wink at someone driving past today

So now let's break it down a bit.

• 3x -"Be mischievous. It feels good." Until, of course, you get called out for acting like an idiot at work. "Johnson, why did you dissolve a neon pink highlighter in the coffee this morning?" "I was being mischievous!" "Johnson, not only am I going to fire you, I'm going to hit you with this brick."
• 1x -"Dare to love completely" I've tried this tactic with my cat Nutmeg and all it ever does is get me bitten. Word to the wise.
• 2x - "Discover yourself" And when you do, be sure to plant a flag on yourself.
• 4x - "Do what feels right" Unless, of course, what feels right is to carve your initials on people you meet with your pocket knife. Don't do that.
• 1x -"Find your passion." It's usually in the last place you look.
• 4x -"Go to your special place" Best Buy is open from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. most weekdays.
• 1x -"Hey, why not?" Or, conversely, why?
• 5x -"If they can do it, you know you can" This one is obviously their main message, as it was used in this bag more than any other phrase. Problem is, it's baloney (or, if you prefer, "bologna"). Lance Armstrong can win the Tour de France seven times and date Sheryl Crow. Think you can do that? That's what I thought. Thanks, Dove chocolate. Thanks for giving me unrealistic dreams and hopes. Jerk.
• 1x - "Learn something from everyone you meet" This one's actually not a bad idea. it's particularly good if you are in the habit of meeting ninja masters and stockbrokers.
• 3x - "Make your eyes twinkle" I suggest gilding them.
• 2x - "Naughty can be nice" Tell that to Santa, then enjoy your lump of coal.
• 2x - "Remember your first everything" Like that time you followed the advice given to you by a bag of chocolate and got fired, arrested, and giftless.
• 1x - "Send a love letter this week" "Dear Nutmeg, please stop biting me."
• 4x - "Smile. People will wonder what you’ve been up to." Is anyone else as sick of this saying as I am?
• 1x - "Test your own limits and keep going" Earlier this evening the episode of Seinfeld aired where Kramer and the car salesman take a test drive and see how far they can go. It's nice when chocolate and Seinfeld agree on something.
• 2x - "There’s no excuse not to dream" Unless, of course, you're on some sort of medication.
• 1x - "Whisper in the dark" Creeeeeeepy.
• 1x - "Wink at someone driving past today" Because they're sure to see you do it at 65 m.p.h
• 1x - "Write a real letter, not just an email" This one's also not a bad idea. One well-placed EMP blast and all your email is gone. A hand-written letter will totally survive an EMP blast, though not the fires that might follow.
• 1x - "You know what? You look good in red." You know what? Chocolate doesn't know anything about what makes people look good. If chocolate were to say "I will make you fat" or "I will bring you temporary happiness," then maybe I'll believe it. I'm pretty sure this is meant as an inside joke referring to the fact that the chocolate itself is wrapped in red, but I don't need chocolate taking up my valuable time doing self-affirmations. Increase your self-esteem on your own time, chocolate! Regardless, I'll probably wear my red shirt tomorrow, just in case.

In case you worry about me keeping track of a bag of chocolate, let me assure you: you have every right to worry. There isn't a bag of M&M's or Skittles I open that I don't want to separate into piles by color, and my cereal boxes are generally organized by height. If there's a minor I can major on, I'll do it.

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EDIT: There is now a sequel to this post.

Labels: OCD, Seinfeld

4 comments

If you've been paying attention, you know that tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of me buying a Barnes & Noble discount card. That means today is actually the end of the year. You might, then, expect that I'd want to do a whole post about the experience. You'd be right. However! I learned earlier this month that the card is good through the end of the month! Therefore, since the savings still apply, I'm going to wait until then to fully report. For the record, here on this final day of the year my count stands at -56.

I've changed the kitties' feeding schedule. Whereas they were getting fed at 6:00 a.m./p.m., now they get fed closer to 6:30 a.m./p.m. This is mostly because I have an upstairs at the new place and I quickly tired of waking up, going downstairs to feed them, and then going back upstairs to get ready. Now I get ready first, go downstairs to feed them, and then leave. They didn't like the change at first (of course), but they're fairly used to it now. A half-cup of food in the morning, a half-cup of food at night. I don't understand why they're still fat.

I know you're wondering, so I'll tell you: my World of Warcraft night elf is Level 40 now. No one's more bothered than me that I am still playing this game. Brian keeps saying things like "Remember when you said you'd never hit Level 20?" and then laughing at me. Nertz to him. Level 40 is a big milestone, as now I could buy and ride a giant tiger...if I had the money. It costs 90 pieces of gold. I currently only have 16, and there's no such thing as a Darnassus Express credit card. That's probably a good thing.

I am currently in the middle of another chocolate-related project. This one is not nearly as long-term, so you should see the results by the end of this week, I'm thinking. Stay tuned!

My friend Carolyn has changed the URL of her blog, so I have made the appropriate change in my links. Troublemaker!

My friend Dave has a blog, but he won't let me link to it. I'm not sure why, as he hasn't really given me a good reason. I'm sure the ensuing influx of the 6 people that read my blog currently would be more than he could take, and the scrutiny would cause him sleeplessness.

Yes, Dave, I am publicly mocking your stance.

I like that it gets dark earlier now, but I sure wish I could sleep later with the later darkness in the morning. Here's one area where the pioneers had the right idea - get up when it's light out. I don't know if they actually did that, but it's nice to imagine they did. Of course, if they had cats to feed they got up earlier than they wanted to anyway.

We had improv auditions last night and tonight. Seventeen people tried out, and tomorrow five of them will be asked to join. It was strange to be in the process and watch these people and wonder who was going to be a part of my life from here on out. We had some really good folks, some good folks, some who were fine, and one who was just plain weird. I want to go into detail about just how weird this one fellow was, but I'm worried he'd somehow find out and then he'd ... I don't know, be weird around me or something. Weird. Needless to say, he won't be joining the troupe.

Rosenplantz, my office plant, continues to live despite my best efforts. I haven't set out to kill him, it's just that I'm not very plant-inclined. He's a hardy soul, though, and lives on, brown spots on his leaves and all.

My apartment complex is having a patio decorating contest this month. The winning decorator will win $100 off their rent next month. The way I figure, I'm saving $100 by not decorating.

I do have a small decoration on my front door, though. I finally purchased a label-maker a few weeks ago. I've been wanting one for a long time, I just never could find the exact right one. I finally settled on one, though it's not perfect. The very first thing I labelled was my front door. It has been labelled "DOOR."

If I didn't think it would bother them, I'd probably label the cats.

It's likely that I will watch my 200th movie of the year this weekend. I'm up to 198, with the most notable recently-watched one being Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit. It's easily the most amusing movie I've seen a long time.

I made another Twinkie Cake this past weekend, though it was technically a Suzy-Q Cake, since it was made with chocolate. I prefer the Twinkie version, but I'm still looking for an orange cake mix. I'm itchin' for a Creamsicle Cake!

With that, I bid you adieu. Be well!

Labels: apropos of nothing

7 comments

Because, apparently, this is needed, I hereby give you the list of occupations wherein it is absolutely necessary that those employed therein wash their hands after using the restroom:

• Absolutely every possible occupation there ever was or ever will be, no exceptions. People who don't work are also included in this list.

This has been a public service announcement from MadMup.com. 3 comments

As of this moment, I'm on a mini-vacation until Monday.

So much free time! Endless opportunities!






*fires up Xbox*

*and DVD player*

*and World of Warcraft* 2 comments

Man, the Tyrant nails it today. 0 comments

It was sometime after lunch today that I realized I was wearing two different-colored socks.

It's time to go back to wearing Garanimals, I guess. 4 comments

Actor Nicolas Cage and his wife had a son recently and they named him "Kal-el Coppola Cage."

From CNN.com:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Oscar-winning actor Nicolas Cage is a new
father.

His wife, Alice Kim Cage, gave birth Monday to a boy, Kal-el Coppola Cage, in New York City, said Cage's Los Angeles-based publicist, Annett Wolf. No other details were available.

"They are healthy and happy and it's quite lovely," Wolf said by phone from New York. Cage is a nephew of filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola.

The couple married in July 2004. It was the third marriage for Cage and the first for his new wife, who was 20 when they were wed. They met when Cage visited a Los Angeles restaurant where she was working as a waitress.

Cage, 41, who won an Oscar for his role in "Leaving Las Vegas," has a son from a previous relationship.

His screen credits also include "Lord of War," now in theaters, "Adaptation," "Honeymoon in Vegas" and "Moonstruck."

He was previously married to Lisa Marie Presley and actress Patricia Arquette.

So there's this whole article about this kid and they neglect to mention that "Kal-El" is Superman's Kryptonian name?!?

A little comic book history for you:

Right before the planet of Krypton exploded, Jor-El packed up his son Kal-El in a rocketship and sent him to Earth. Kal-El was discovered by Jonathan and Martha Kent in a cornfield in Smallville, Kansas. They proceeded to adopt the boy and named him "Clark." Clark grew up to discover that he had all kinds of powers (the ability to fly, super-speed, heat vision, x-ray vision, etc.), decided to use his powers for good, and became Superman. Kal-El is Clark Kent is Superman.

So now, Nicolas Cage (who has gone on record many times about how much of a Superman fan he is) names his newborn son "Kal-El," and all the Associated Press can talk about are his movies and his previous marriages?!? I mean, come on! At least mention it in passing! I'm not asking for an in-depth discussion on this poor kid's future (let's face it, he won't want to go by his middle name, either - Coppola?!? No thanks!), I would just like you to mention that he shares his name with a guy from Krypton who, oh yeah, just happens to be Superman.

I wanted to turn this into a whole "Celebrities name their kids weird names" thing and mention "Apple" (Gwyneth Paltrow) and "Tallulah Belle" (Bruce Willis/Demi Moore), but I'm so incensed about the poor reporting that wouldn't mention Superman even slightly that I just can't focus.

Sheesh. 4 comments