MadMup.com

When I was younger, I would get joke books from the library, books by Bennett Cerf featuring jokes and puns that were probably old when they first appeared on vaudeville stages years before being published in his books. For some reason, I would read these books over and over (which I'm sure affected my sense of humor) and try to memorize my favorites. It never seemed to work, and the worst ones would get stuck in my brain.

There was one about a lion who got it in his arrogant head to go around and pester the rest of the denizens of the jungle asking them why they weren't as strong and powerful as he was. After several beasts hemmed and hawed their way through their answers, the joke ended with an ant answering the lion with, "Gosh, man! I've been sick!"

Yeah, pretty bad, I know. I guess I'm just feeling a kinship with the ant these days. I can pinpoint almost to the minute when I got sick, or at least when I started feeling it. A week ago this past Monday Greg and Marshall were over playing some games and I had to go meet Ned for a bit. As I was leaving the meeting with Ned, around 9:15, I started shivering so much that I actually had trouble putting my car key in the ignition. Up until that minute, I never knew a person could shake that much from (what I thought was) the cold. After I spent the whole night alternately burning up and freezing, I figured out I was maybe sick.

After a day and a half of that, I decided to go to the doctor. Ryan volunteered to take me, and I took him up on it because I didn't feel like I could drive, even though the doctor was about two blocks away. The doctor took X-rays and poked at me and pretty much said I'd need to wait it out, but she prescribed antibiotics "just in case." Lee took me after he was off work to pick up those and the codeine-laced cough medicine, and I also stocked up on soup and a few other things.

That was Wednesday. From then until I went back to work this past Monday, I spent all of my time either in bed or on the folded-out couchbed in the living room, feeling sick enough that it was even hard for me to play my moves in Scrabulous.

I'm still not feeling all that great, but I've managed. I'm looking forward to not moving much this weekend, if I can help it.

It's funny how disconnected I got in such a short time. In six days I saw two people I knew, and they were all at the front end. After Wednesday, I didn't see anyone until I went back to work. I didn't talk on the phone because talking made me cough, and I didn't even keep up on email that much. It made me realize how easy it is to drop out if you want to: stop picking up the phone, quit updating your various online presences, don't answer email - moving into a cave in the mountains is hardly even necessary at that point.

I'm not sure why, but it's easy for me to tend in that direction. I like people and it's good for me to be around people, but it seems like when I'm left to my own devices, I turtle. It's probably directly related to my laziness. It's hard to be around people, hard to be friendly, hard to not say stupid things and hard to not hurt people. It's easier to hide away, the idea being that if I'm not around people, I'm not causing them problems.

That, of course, is a negative, almost fatalistic, outlook on life, and it certainly isn't healthy. But, just like some person tends to be a shopaholic and someone else tends to drive over the speed limit, this is my tendency. And, just like those people have to be constantly vigilant, so must I. Being sick makes it too simple to take the easy route.

Labels: sick

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Dove Chocolate is at it again. It thinks it's so smart, with all of the advice and "wisdom." Here's today's big life-changing piece of guidance:


This is the most ridiculous piece of nonsense that ever was. First of all, people do this anyway. Why does Dove Chocolate think a person is eating a bag of Dove Chocolate, hmm? It's like reminding people to open their eyes when they drive or put a coat on when it's cold outside -- actually, now that I've typed that out, I realize that teenagers do need to be told those things, so maybe this particular piece of chocolate-encasing advice was meant for a teenager. Hmm. If so, that's still a ridiculous thing to tell a teenager to do! Yikes.

Secondly, following my instincts is what got me where I am today, for the most part. So... yeah.

I was immediately reminded of the episode of Seinfeld entitled "The Opposite." George decides that since his instincts have gotten him where he is, from then on he's going to do the opposite of his first instinct. Here's the pivotal scene:

George: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every [aspect] of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - It's all been wrong.

(A waitress comes up to George)

Waitress: Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.

George: Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted ... and a cup of tea.

Elaine: Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.

* * * * *

Jerry: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

George: Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!

Dove Chocolate and George Costanza: two diametrically opposed fonts of knowledge for the ages.



And, yes, before anyone starts in on me, I'm well aware that neither Dove Chocolate nor Seinfeld episodes are anything a person should be basing their life on. Thank you for worrying.

Labels: life, Seinfeld

4 comments

It's really not my intent to turn this blog into an "all movies, all the time" format, but I feel it is my duty to tell you that the official trailer is out for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and that you can view it here.





Consider this my Valentine's Day gift to you.

Labels: movies

5 comments

9:02 - So, in the final tally, four of us were here for all six movies, and two more were here for five of them, and there were nine different viewers over the course of the day. It was a lot of fun, and I can totally see doing a Lord of the Rings marathon at some point in the future...

Thanks for following along and joining in the fun vicariously!

8:55 - Emperor's death = Galactic Party Time!

8:51 - Death Star II, R.I.P.

8:50 - Anakin Skywalker, R.I.P.

8:42 - Vader's hand, R.I.P.

8:41 - I know it's gotta be tough to be a Jedi, especially when you haven't been one for long, but Luke really makes a lot of mistakes in the last battle with Vader - revealing the existence of his sister being a bit more major than most.

8:36 - "I know" - Leia, in a great reversal of roles from Empire.

8:30 - The Death Star is fully operational!

8:27 - I'm more easily convinced in the reality of lightsabers than with stick- and stone-wielding teddy bears beating Imperial troops.

8:16 - "Yub nub." - Random Ewok

8:08 - "Leia, you need to stop kissing me, what with you being my sister and all." -Luke

7:50 - The Ewoks have showed up. Bleah.

7:36 - Luke just figured out that Leia is is his sister. Nice work, Luke!

7:25 - Rancor is dead, Jabba is dead, and Boba Fett is Sarlacc Chow (tm).

7:02 - Eric & Lance are making pancakes. Also, the Twi'lek dancer was just eaten by the Rancor.

6:59 - The return of Daniel.

6:51 - Also, sound has been restored to the left rear speaker! There was a loose wire. Woot!

6:48 - Start of Episode VI. I am happy to announce every episode started exactly when it was scheduled to do so.

6:37 - End of Episode V.

6:26 - "No, I am your father." - Darth Vader

6:25 - Luke's hand: R.I.P.

6:11 - "I know." - Han Solo

6:09 - Exit Daniel (running errands for his mom, he says).

6:00 - "No, there is another." - Yoda

5:53 - Exit Marshall.

5:46 - "And that is why you fail." - Yoda

5:10 - Lee was awakened from dozing.

4:47 - Marshall has discovered that the left rear speaker is not producing any sound... Disconcerting.

4:40 - The arrival of Marshall!

4:39 - Luke just got hisself Wampa'd.

4:35 - The Empire Strikes Back: the best of the best!

4:25 - The Death Star has been successfully dealt with!

4:15 - Porkins: R.I.P.

4:02 - Obi Wan: R.I.P.

3:52 - C3-PO is the whiniest droid ever.

3:18 - Grrrrrrrrr. Greedo shot first. I got majorly ripped off here.

3:16 - The return of Eric!

3:05 - Another watcher has appeared.

2:53 - It would appear that these are NOT the original un-fiddled-with versions. GRRRRR.

2:28 - Now to the good stuff: Episode IV! Halfway there!

2:21 - Exit Jonell.

2:17 - End of Episode III.

2:12 - Jonell stopped by to pick up an extra Guitar Hero controller and also brought ice cream and root beer for floats!

2:11 - Darth Vader's got a brand new suit. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

2:09 - Luke & Leia were just born.

1:51 - Update: Anakin's bad, most Jedi are dead, and Yoda's about to throw down with Darth Sidious.

1:18 - Mace Windu: R.I.P. :(

1:07 - In a surprising turn of events, a Sith Lord is revealed.

12:48 - Exit Eric. He had a prior engagement, but shall return.

12:29 - Hey, Padme's pregnant!

12:26 - Daniel has arrived.

12:03 p.m. - Episode III begins!

11:36 - Pizza arrives! Lunch break!

11:35 - Episode II ends.

11:29 - Yoda vs. Dooku. FIGHT!

11:22 - Clone Troops versus Droid Army - EPIC!

10:41 - Anakin just killed a bunch Sand People. Tsk.

10:17 - The "romance" sections of this movie are some of the worst scenes ever committed to film, digital or otherwise.

9:33 - Yeesh... Hayden carries on the tradition of awful Anakins.

9:21 - Episode II started.

9:20 - Greg showed up.

9:10 - Episode I is done.

8:45 - Phantom Menace is a lot longer than a person remembers...

7:32 - Anakin speaks for the first time. Ugh. I realize good kid actors are hard to find, but seriously? This is the best we could do?

7:11 - Jar Jar's first appearance. Up until this point, the movie seems like it's going to be super cool. Jar Jar's appearance is kind of like how when you're leaning back in a chair and enjoying balancing, when all of a sudden you lean a little too far back and feel like you're going to fall backwards -- Jar Jar on screen is like feeling you're falling backwards constantly.

7: 02 - The Wright brothers show up. This is pretty much the expected group for the first movie.

7:00 - Episode I begins!

6:55 - Lee shows up with donuts.

6:52 - Jeremiah is the first to show up.

5:42 a.m. - I woke up at 4:00 this morning and was wide awake, but like a fool I tried to go back to sleep. My plan was to get up at 5 and do some last minute preparing for guests. Instead, I kept hitting the snooze and now I'm late.

Labels: career class, geekery, liveblog

20 comments

I'm planning to liveblog the Star Wars Marathon tomorrow. I've liveblogged once before, and it wasn't terribly exciting, but I thought it might be fun to have an historical account of this momentous occasion. I'm sure it'll be all "So-and-so showed up" and "Darth Vader just killed a dude" and "Now we're watching the next movie," but it seems that a geeky event such as a Star Wars Marathon deserves another geeky event like liveblogging.

So if you can't join us (which you should!), you can at least experience it vicariously.

Labels: geekery, meta

4 comments

If you're whistling while waiting for someone's voicemail greeting to finish so you can leave a message, you should stop when the beep happens because sometimes your whistling hits the exact note that tells the voicemail you're done and it says goodbye and hangs up on you.

Labels: things I've learned

4 comments

This Saturday marks a first for me. Sure, I've seen all the Star Wars movies before, and several times at that. But this Saturday will be the first time I'll watch them all in a row. To make this occasion slightly less nerdy, I've invited other people over to watch them with me. If you're reading this, consider yourself invited.

I realize that it will be a relatively small number of people who attend this, and I also realize that the number of people who come for all six movies will be even smaller. That's why I've made a handy little timeline for the day:

1. The Phantom Menace: 7:00 a.m.
2. Attack of the Clones: 9:21 a.m.
3. Revenge of the Sith: 12:03 p.m.
4. A New Hope: 2:27 p.m.
5. The Empire Strikes Back: 4:36 p.m
6. Return of the Jedi: 6:48 p.m.

There's a 5-minute break between each movie, with a 20-minute break scheduled before the start of Episode III. The projected end time is 9:02 p.m.

I toyed briefly with the idea of including the Clone Wars in the lineup, but that made an already-long day even longer, and I figured I was pushing my luck as it was.

A couple of notes about the day:

• I will do everything in my power to stick to the timetable, believe you me.
• I'm pretty sure there will be discussion during the viewings. Our resident Star Wars historian is planning to be there, and I'm sure we will all learn a thing or two :)
• There's wireless Internet available at my place, so if you need to bring your laptop and do some work to make yourself feel better about spending the day watching Star Wars, feel free.
• I'm thinking pizza for lunch (that's the 20-minute break), so bring a couple of bucks for that.
• I will provide soda.
• Hey, bring some snacks with you, that'd be cool! If we snack enough, we won't notice that I didn't schedule a 20-minute supper break.
• I do have two cats, so drug yourself up if you're allergic.
• I've been told my apartment is chilly, so you might want to dress accordingly.
• There isn't a whole lot of seating, so if you've got a beanbag or a camp chair or something, feel free to bring that along. When I buy a house, I'll make sure the theater room seats 50, but for now this is pretty much what I have.

Don't let the structuredness fool you - I think it's going to be a fun time for those who show up. A big screen TV, 5.1 surround sound, and the original versions of Episodes IV-VI... what's not to love?? Come for the ones you want to see - no need to stay all day if you don't want to see them all. That's why Phantom Menace is showing at 7:00 a.m. - if you oversleep, you aren't missing much.

And if this goes well, the next one will an all-day Lord of the Rings marathon.

Labels: career class, geekery, movies

12 comments